Have you ever felt the need to prove yourself to people who take pleasure in putting others down? I can definitely relate. Looking back now, I can't help but laugh at how much attention I gave to those who were envious and not on my level.
Let me share a personal story that perfectly illustrates this. When I turned 23, I decided to enroll in and complete my graduate degree in just one year. It was an exhausting time, juggling a full-time course load, working three jobs, and barely getting any sleep. At the end of that challenging year, I was thrilled to celebrate my achievement with my mom. However, she invited family over, and that’s when things took a turn.
It was a typical summer afternoon, and my mom invited her brother over. As soon as my relatives arrived, my mom proudly shared the great news. But her sister-in-law was not thrilled at all. While my mom was ecstatic, her sister-in-law decided to say, “Oh, it’s so easy to get a degree in this country. Anyone can get a degree.” She tried to downplay my accomplishment with that one comment. It was disappointing because if the roles were reversed, she would have been just as excited if it were her own child. Instead, she chose to bring me down.
In that moment, I replied, “So where is your degree?” It felt great to defend myself, but I was also upset. Why did I feel the need to reply when I could have just smiled, let go, and enjoyed my celebration? I spoke up because I felt disrespected and insulted that she felt so comfortable behaving that way. It wasn't necessary.
To handle future situations like this, here are my top three ways to maintain my self-worth:
Stay Composed and Graceful: Take a moment to step away from the situation and remember, they are only saying hurtful things because it is coming from a place of insecurity. It’s their problem, not yours. Keep shining, you got this!
Set Personal Boundaries: If it is inappropriate, rather than having a comeback ready, calmly take the individual aside and ask them, “I don’t appreciate your behavior/negativity. Why are you behaving this way?” Only you know your limits, but if someone feels comfortable behaving negatively, speak up and let them know it will not be tolerated. It doesn’t have to be confrontational; take them aside and speak to them calmly. If they choose to act out, let them. At least you know their true colors. It may hurt, but it’s better to know where one stands than to believe they support you.
Don't Take on Others' Problems: You can’t control someone's emotions or envy. Control what you can and understand that it isn’t your job to fix a miserable person. Not everyone will celebrate your achievements, but that doesn’t mean you have to take it to heart. Everyone in our lives comes and goes—some have their seasons. Keep true to your values and let the rest go.
I find the above approaches help me maintain my peace, self- worth, and most importantly, my self- respect. You can’t control someone else’s envy and insecurities, so focus on what you can control and let the rest be.
What are some ways you maintain your peace in such circumstances?
See you on the next post!
Yours truly,
Serina
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