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Reclaiming My Life: Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships and Finding Myself Again

Writer's picture: SerinaJSerinaJ

Updated: Oct 3, 2024

As I reflect on the past seven years, I now see things with a clarity I didn’t have before. My relationships—with family, colleagues, and romantic partners—were so distorted. I surrounded myself with people who didn’t align with my values or beliefs, and truthfully, they weren't even on my level. From a young age, I held myself accountable when it came to my goals. At 17, I knew I’d leave my parents’ house one day and move into my own home. I had big dreams, and I had a plan. But somewhere between 17 and 27, things didn’t go as I had envisioned.

 

Instead of focusing on myself, I found that I spent more time encouraging others to chase their dreams than I did my own. By the time I hit 28, I was completely exhausted—physically, mentally, and emotionally. I didn’t even recognize the person I had become. I was pretending to fit in, concealing truths, and acting like I was okay with the disrespect and mistreatment I endured regularly. I felt drained and disconnected from the ambitious young woman I once was.

 

I found myself in a long-term romantic relationship that became more toxic with each passing year—something that should have ended by the time I was 20. Instead, I convinced myself that things would improve, that suffering was just part of the process. I was so wrong. The relationship eventually turned into abuse, and I hated my life, the relationship, and most of all, the person I had become. I was with someone who had no backbone, someone who consistently disrespected me. It was embarrassing, humiliating, and completely disheartening.

 

But here’s where my growth came in: I had to take a step back and look at my own role in it. I had allowed myself to stay in this situation for far too long. As much as I wanted to blame others, I had to recognize that I had chosen to stay, chosen to tolerate the mistreatment. I realized that it takes two to mess up a relationship—and I had to hold myself accountable for my part. Once I accepted that truth, I found the strength to leave.

 

Of course, the fallout came with more drama. His eldest brother spread rumors to twist the truth—something he had done in the past to protect other men in his family. His sister even tried to convince me that the toxic behavior I endured was “normal” because it was present during her upbringing. In that moment, I knew I deserved better. I refused to accept that. It wasn’t normal, and it certainly wasn’t the life I wanted. In that moment, I knew I deserved better. I made a conscious choice to distance myself from people who were not aligned with the life I wanted to live.

 

My career followed a similar pattern. Being the youngest in the office meant being overlooked for promotions and not being taken seriously. It was frustrating to watch people with less experience and skills get opportunities I had worked hard for. After 17 years in a public sector job, I finally stepped down. At the time, I thought I was stepping into my dream role. But soon enough, I realized I had changed. I no longer felt challenged or fulfilled. So, I left again, determined to find something that aligned with who I had become and what I truly wanted out of my career.

 

And when it came to family? Well, I had spent far too many years forgiving people who continued to hurt me. Eventually, I forgave them for the last time and cut all ties. My peace, my self-respect, and my mental health were far more important than maintaining relationships that drained me. Removing them from my life has brought a sense of freedom I didn’t know I was missing. I feel lighter, happier, and more in tune with myself.

 

What is the biggest lesson I’ve learned through all of this?

 

We have the power to change our circumstances. We can choose our future, whether it’s tomorrow, next year, or five years down the road. You can rebuild your life, one decision at a time. It starts with taking responsibility, acknowledging your worth, and making the difficult choices that will ultimately lead you to a place of peace and fulfillment.

 

Choose growth. Choose peace. Choose you.

 

You have everything you need within you to create the life you deserve. Keep going.

 

5 Ways to Choose Growth & Accountability

 

Recognize Your Role – Acknowledge your part in the relationships and situations that no longer serve you. Accountability is the first step to real growth.

 

Set Boundaries – Surround yourself with people who respect you. Boundaries protect your peace and ensure you only allow positivity in your life.

 

Prioritize Your Mental Health – Whether it’s a toxic relationship, family drama, or a stagnant career, choose to prioritize your well-being. Walk away from what drains you.

 

Stay True to Yourself – Don’t compromise your values or self-worth for others. Trust in yourself, even when it’s hard, and don’t settle for less than what you deserve.

 

Embrace Change – Life will always have unexpected turns, but you have the power to adapt, grow, and come out stronger on the other side.

 

 

To anyone reading this who feels stuck in relationships that drain them, jobs that undervalue them, or tied to family members who disrespect them—you have the power to change your circumstances. Your mental health, your happiness, and your peace are worth the hard decisions you may need to make. You deserve better. Never forget that.

 

Your future is what you make of it. Keep growing, keep making the hard choices, and always choose you.

 

What does the next chapter of your life look like?

 

See you on the next post!

 

Yours Truly,

Serina

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